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To get into these cliques, just click
Cyberspace has become a popular starting point to connect with pals.

Lauren Edelstein, Daniel Iatesta and Beth Woolston are standing at a bar, laughing, blushing, ruthlessly ragging each other in a way only close buddies can.

A month ago, they were strangers, though Iatesta and Woolston once lived only three blocks apart in Springfield. Now these young professionals gather often at Iron Hill Brewery in West Chester to cultivate their friendships.

They met through MEETin, one of a growing number of cybergroups designed not for matchmaking but friend-making.

No romance. No flirting. No searching for Mr. or Ms. Right. Intimate dinners? Out. Pick-up lines? Forget it.

"This isn't dating," Woolston, a paralegal who recently moved to West Chester, said emphatically of the gathering.

This is social networking, Web-style, an increasingly popular source - whether on Friendster, the fledgling Philly 30s or some other variation - for finding off-line companionship.

"We're gold-mining for friends," said Ari-Ben "Mikey" Heard, 30, a systems architect who, six months ago, started MEETin DC to expand his own social circle.

Since then, MEETin groups have expanded to 27 cities, including Philadelphia and West Chester, with its 6,500 members connecting online through e-mail lists and then in person at events (anything from watching videos at someone's house to traveling to the Bahamas).

The fact that such online groups abound, with more forming all the time, says as much about changes in how we live as it does about friendships.

We used to marry earlier, work fewer hours, join bowling leagues, live closer to our roots, all of which gave us more opportunities to meet others like us.

Now, young adults are delaying tying the knot, with the median age at first marriage 25 for women and 27 for men - up about four years since 1970, according to the U.S. Census. Over the same period, the portion of women and men aged 30 to 34 who have never married has grown dramatically, more than tripling.

Young people are also moving, many longer distances. Nearly one-third of 25- to 29-year-olds moved between 2000 and 2001, about twice the rate of the overall population, and 20 percent of all moves were between states - up 5 percentage points from 1998.

"Friendships are hugely important, especially because people are staying single longer... and prolonging adolescence," said Deborah Carr, an assistant professor of sociology at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J. "As people move, they're entering a new community where they don't know anybody, and they need to take new and innovative steps to expand their social circle."

Enter Craigslist and its ilk. The popular network began with a guy (Craig Newmark) e-mailing his friends about events in San Francisco and grew into a national online community with 3 million users a month.

Sure, it has its share of searching-for-love personals, but Newmark said a growing number of people "want to connect for purposes other than romance." Nationally, monthly postings to the activity partners category increased about 12 percent between June and September - about the same as the men seeking women category.

Some venture that social networking is just a "feeder system for dating," as Jupiter Research analyst Nate Elliott put it.

Edelstein, 36, of Exton, would disagree. She turned to Craigslist when her boyfriend (whom she met online) moved cross country for grad school. "Need someone to hang with while he's gone. I like going to see bands, eating out (the more ethnic the better), good beer...," she posted.

She made two friends - both men. Edelstein said her boyfriend didn't mind: "He thinks it's great." Besides, she said, "I'm head over heels in love with [him]." Then she joined MEETin, where she met more folks, including a woman who has lived across the street from her for the last five years.

"We just clicked," she said of her new social circle.

In his book Urban Tribes: A Generation Redefines Friendship, Family and Commitment, author Ethan Watters documents the phenomenon of younger, never-married, on-the-move adults forming communities of friends, or tribes, that serve as extended families.

"As a generation we've become aware of our... friends of friends," he said. "That's where our social capital lies. We don't belong to bowling leagues or civic groups, and our jobs are episodic. We realize that our survival depends on these networks, these 'weak ties,' the one step beyond the person we know."

Friendster, up since March, has capitalized on weak ties with four degrees of separation. You create a personal profile that allows you access to your friends' profiles, which then allows you access to the profiles of your friends' friends and your friends' friends' friends.

"You find when you're in your 30s, your friends are divided by married with children or still single," said Suzie Dykas, 34, a "still single" consultant who recently returned to Philadelphia from San Francisco - where online social-networking is routine.

Dykas wanted friends, unburdened by spouses and babies, who could "go to the theater or the Shore on a moment's notice." For her, the obvious step was to form Philly30s. About 40 of the 101 online members recently met at a First Friday party. "It's been pretty great," she said.

Tara and Jonathan Fallin of Philadelphia, both 26, also turned to Craigslist for friends - married ones such as themselves. The Fallins posted for couples in their 20s and 30s, making it clear "we are not swingers." Eight responded, and dinner out was planned.

"Craigslist is so easy," Tara Fallin said. "It's anonymous. You can put yourself out there without taking too much of a risk."

Online social networking, then, is "a new way to find out about the old ways of meeting," said Chris Mortensen, 25, a "nomad" who has moved from East to West Coast and back again before joining MEETin Philadelphia.

"I work with all 45-year-old married men," the Roxborough mechanical engineer said. "We also work a lot - sixty hour weeks. So my social life isn't exactly booming."

While he hasn't made a "bunch of friends," he did find a rock-climbing partner.

In some ways, finding a good friend is not that different from finding a good date. "It's just a numbers game," Carr of Rutgers said. "You have to cycle through a lot of people."

Meetup aims to expedite the process. It connects its 763,000 members online through 2,335 interest groups ranging from Howard Dean supporters - the presidential candidate built his base through meetups - to stay-at-home moms to witches, and then organizes face-to-face meetings at diners or bars.

"You really can find lifelong relationships and companionship," said Anthony DiMeo III, 28, a Center City actor and financial adviser who favors his Italian language group.

But Meetup, like any social network, has its share of flops.

Chrissy Rockwell, 22, of Morton, belongs to meetups on musician Elvis Costello, anti-death penalty discussions, blogging and others. Several meetings didn't materialize, she said in an e-mail, and when one did take place on South Street, she "laid low because of the general showing of losers, freaks, and other undesirables, whom no one wanted to meet."

Rockwell, though, is still optimistic. She's thinking of forming her own social network, meeting her favorite online friends at a coffee shop.

Full credit for story goes to: Philadelphia Inquirer, PA